Environmental exposure to vaccines feared as reason for Meryl Dorey’s AVN stepdown

By Jack Scanlan

03
Feb. 10

In a shocking turn of events, Meryl Dorey, President of the Australian Vaccination Network for almost 17 years, has stepped down from her position leading the prominent vaccine-​​awareness group.

Citing reasons such as a lack of funds behind the AVN and the fact that her children have likely suffered due to her activism, Dorey broke the news via blog post earlier today. She also stated that the AVN will most likely be closing its doors to the public by the end of February.

Immediately, members of the AVN expressed outrage at the decision:

“I know Meryl personally,” said one anonymous web commenter, “and she would never abandon her post so readily. Something’s not right.”

Another, under the pseudonym NoVaxMax, posted “I fear that our hero in the fight for the truth has fallen prey to what she hated most — a vaccination. Only exposure to an unnatural cocktail of antifreeze, squalene and reptoid-​​designed microchips could bring about such a radical shift in thinking.”

Research by supporters of the vaccine-​​awareness organisation concluded this afternoon that Ms. Dorey must have succumbed to the intoxicating effects of specifically-​​targeted chemtrails carrying unusually high levels of the H1N1 vaccine, a known neurotoxic substance, within their deadly vapors.

“Of course, we’ve known about the dangers of being exposed to vaccines in the environment before this point, and the effects, such as caring about your children and refusing to believe in giant global conspiracies, are clear in this case,” said lead researcher HerbsCureAll, “but such acute symptoms really lead us to believe that this was a targeted attack.”

Another researcher commented, “It would take more than a GP randomly stabbing her with a needle in the street, as they often do, to affect Meryl’s judgment so severely. She was a strong, strong woman, who used homeopathy frequently.”

Various skeptical organisations and individual skeptics immediately applauded the move. Former President of the James Randi Educational Foundation, Dr. Phil Plait wrote that “Dorey claims she wants to save people’s lives. This move on her part may finally do it.”

Dr. Rachael Dunlop, Vice President of the Australian Skeptics, tweeted “What happened? I left the intertubz [sic] for few hrs [sic] and Dorey is resigning?!! WOW. Congrats to all involved in a HUGE victory.”

But AVN supporters are warning that such comments are to be expected and should be ignored. “Don’t listen to the skeptics, they’re in league with Big Pharma and the New World Order,” cautioned an anonymous web commenter, “I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Richard Saunders himself ordered this cruel and vicious attack. It’s very much his style.”

Tags: Anti-Vax, Chemtrails, Humour, Meryl Dorey, Reptoid, Satire

5 Responses to “Environmental exposure to vaccines feared as reason for Meryl Dorey’s AVN stepdown”

  1. 1
    Sean the Blogonaut says:

    Very very funny Jack. I wonder how many will fall victim to Satire fail though :)

  2. 2
    Jack Scanlan says:

    @Sean the Blogonaut:

    My hope? A lot. ;)

  3. 3
    Zep says:

    Had me going for a bit there! Why? Because it sounds SO like the people who cluster around the likes of Meryl. Seriously, it does!

    Good one though!

  4. 4
    Michael Kingsford Gray says:

    It is impossible to parody the sheer zealous imbecility of these baby-​​killing acephalic quack quoters.

  5. 5
    ryan says:

    Unfortunately I fear it won’t matter if she vanishes because someone will step into her spot. It’s the underlying ideology which is the real enemy.

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